The previous Straw Poll invited readers to choose among three academic futures for Alex Doonesbury: Should she go to Rennselaer, Cornell, or MIT? Voting was brisk. Wait, let us rephrase that: Voting was insane, rampant, ingenious, and impressively ruthless. An MIT student put up "Doonesbury Voting Hack", a web site (adorned with art borrowed from the Town Hall) which enabled would-be-ballot-stuffers to spew out over a million votes in a single night. "We're all running cgi hack scripts" lol'd one MIT blogger, "I've voted 3 or 4 thousand times!" Fortunately the prophylactic measures swiftly implemented by the DTH's crack tech crew kept most of the votes from making it into the poll.

The idea of outing the main culprit was briefly considered (a 5'8", 115-lb. freshman from New York -- it's amazing what you can find out about a person online), but as he left a clear trail and probably didn't expect the hack to be as successful as it was, it seemed enough to deny the MIT network access to our servers. Besides, we had to take his thoughtfulness into account: "Please," he cautioned on the updated version of his hack site, "only keep one instance of the program running at a time so we don't kill the server again."

Meanwhile Rennselaer had also stepped up to the plate -- or rather made their own attempt to move it. As campus blog entries indicate, token reservations were overcome ("It would be entirely unethical of me to stuff a ballot box, or suggest any others use the same, with command lines such as...") and a curl was disseminated, intended to accomplish pretty what the MIT script had done using Flash. The Rensselaer effort was less successful -- still, several hundred thousand votes bounced off our servers. By the time a handful of indy hackers made their run at the Straw Poll, the ballot box was adequately unstuffable.

Cornell blogage shows that students there were watching the fray ("Me thinks the site is being bombarded by a script war between Troy and Cambridge..."), but a higher, or more urgent, course was taken. ("We're at a disadvantage, because we've got finals now and presumably no one has the free time to write a Cornell spamming script.") The Cornell alumni office had early-on taken an above-board interest, alerting alums to the situation and urging them to vote, but this effort did not bring Cornellians to the poll in numbers sufficient for Big Red to catch up. "We're obviously not trying hard enough to cheat," lamented a dismayed blogger. However, students and alums managed to post many passionate, articulate, humorous, and convincing posts on our Blowbackpage, all making the case that Alex should head to Ithaca. In acknowledgement of this impressive and moving effort, the Doonesbury Town Hall is pleased to award Cornell the Doonesbury Straw Poll Congeniality Award.

As for the question at hand -- Where will Alex go to school? -- the will, chutzpah, and bodacious craft of the voting public will be respected. A careful check of the applicable rulebook indicates that queering the results was not specifically prohibited. And by tradition, engineers, hackers and techfolk will assume that in a problem-solving situation of this nature, there is no box out of which they are not expected to climb. The Doonesbury Town Hall thanks all those who took the time and trouble to vote, even those who voted only once.

Ms. Doonesbury will be attending MIT.

What do you think of the State Department's statement, essentially condemning the publication of the cartoons in European newspapers?

A concession to reality. It's the State Department. What is the U.S. supposed to say -- that it approves of cartoons that set off demonstrations around the world? Just how much more hated in the Muslim world do we need to be?

Why has the U.S. news media (broadcast and print), almost universally refused to publish the cartoons?

I assume because they believe, correctly, it is unnecessarily inflammatory. It's legal to run them, but is it wise? The Danish editor who started all this actually recruited cartoonists to draw offensive cartoons (some of those he invited declined). And why did he do it? To demonstrate that in a Western liberal society he could. Well, we already knew that. Some victory for freedom of expression. An editor who deliberately sets out to provoke or hurt people because he's worried about "self-censorship" is not an editor I'd care to work for.

Will you be including any images of the Prophet Muhammad in upcoming cartoons?

No. Nor will I be using any imagery that mocks Jesus Christ.

What do you think of the Joint Chiefs issuing a protest to The Washington Post over the cartoon of the U.S. soldier/amputee returning from Iraq?

Well, it was a literal reading on their part. Toles wasn't mocking wounded soldiers -- he was just using a strong metaphor. I thought it was an effective cartoon, but the blowback was understandable, and I'm sure Tom was ready for it.

Is there an echo?

If you mean a personal echo, not really. I have 600 client editors, and I don't for a moment expect them all on any given day to judge my work suitable for their wildly different audiences. We have editors for a reason. Just because a society has almost unlimited freedom of expression doesn't mean we should ever stop thinking about its consequences in the real world. If The New York Times had commissioned a dozen vicious, anti-Semitic cartoons, would we be having a comparable debate? I don't think so.

For example, this pre-blog-era series follows Mike's first on-line sojourn in 1993 (this and other links coming shortly!). His much more savvy daughter Alex followed with her own web site in 1996, later developed it into a profitable "video blog" web-cam site, and in 2003, turned to blogging for Dean.

Then there's Zipper, who from his dorm room at Walden College runs a modestly trafficked blog devoted to a niche audience. His inspiration? The legendarily uninhibited blogger Jenny McTaggart, Girl Pirate (nom d'offline: Elmont). Meanwhile, B.D.'s recovery after losing a leg in Iraq was aided and abetted by a CaringBridge blog, ably handled by Boopsie, who dispensed updates to loved ones and conveyed their good wishes to her husband. And more recently, Ray Hightower, B.D.'s comrade in arms, has been painstakingly blogging his detailed way through his tour of duty in Iraq.

It's a common error to assume that Doonesbury's characters each express the precise views of their creator, who would have to be highly schizophrenic to embrace them all. In this particular instance, it's worth noting that Mark Slackmeyer, who trash-talks blogging, is himself a political screedist who has spent the last 30 years passionately expounding his point of view to an almost nonexistent audience. There's a reason why he might feel threatened by a blogosphere that gets far more attention than he.

On the other hand, he does seem to have flushed out an awful lot of pretty defensive people. Cat food sales must be brisk.

A special volume completely devoted to B.D.'s healing journey will be published at the request of WRAMC, the real-world facility where he has received much of his care and therapy. We'll be happy to announce it on the DTH home page when The Long Road Home: One Step at a Time is published this spring.

While waiting for the recent Texans for Truth reward offer to produce results, we invite you to peruse our contest winners and selections from the Bush Guard testimony.

FIRST RUNNER-UP (original of the 2-26-04 Doonesbury strip, signed by G.B. Trudeau):

I can't verify Bush's presence in Alabama, but as a dental professional I am intrigued with his dental records. Generally, an individual with a large bank account doesn't have any missing permanent molars without receiving a fixed bridge (#3 is missing, yet no bridge is placed between #2-4, #2 has a crown, but #4 only has a three surface restoration). The American public needs to see his posterior bitewings from 1973 and a current series of bitewings to better judge the authenticity of the information provided.
-- Barbara Vanderveen, Galt, CA

SECOND RUNNER-UP (signed copy of Doonesbury collection Got War?)

Bush and I were together during those months on a mission so secret it's taken years of therapy for me to remember. We were on board an alien vessel during the time in question, emissaries of the Pentagon on a successful mission to obtain "mental weaponry" far in advance of anything the Soviets had. Our memories were then wiped clean, except for the deepest recesses of the unconscious. I weep for the president's struggle with this trauma, and am coming forward to share my pain in interviews, book contracts, and the like. God bless America.
-- Matthew Wills, New York, NY

THIRD RUNNER-UP (fully-branded Duke swizzle stick)

I am an employee of the Nigerian government Toastmaster's Club. I am in hiding while rebels loot my country. In 1972 I was a colonel in the Alabama Air National Guard and flew many aircrafts. I was Bush's wingman. I was with him for his dental exams. I warned him against medical physical exams. You must keep this in strictest confidence. If you wish to pursue this business venture, then I shall need your fax and baking preferences.
-- Dr. Abdula E. Fraudena, Lagos, NIGERIA

Note: Management apologizes to those contestants whose testimony does not appear in the following sampling. In some cases, recent FCC rulings were an inhibiting factor. Essays over 10,000 words in length were not posted out of respect for those using dial-up modems. Special thanks to everyone who offered to sweeten the kitty. If we'd had a winner and all of you had followed through, the USO would have received an additional $16,590. If you would like to contribute directly, write to: Edward Powell, President, USO World Headquarters, 1008 Eberte Place SE, Suite 301, Washington Navy Yard, D.C. 20374.

Click here to read Bush Guard testimony

We've borrowed the following explanation of the physiatrist's role from the American Academy of Physical Medicine and Rehabilition Web site, where you can go to get more information.

What is a Physiatrist?

A physiatrist (fizz ee at' trist) is a physician specializing in physical medicine and rehabilitation. Physiatrists treat a wide range of problems from sore shoulders to spinal cord injuries. They see patients in all age groups and treat problems that touch upon all the major systems in the body. These specialists focus on restoring function to people....

Physiatrists treat acute and chronic pain and musculoskeletal disorders. They may see a person who lifts a heavy object at work and experiences back pain, a basketball player who sprains an ankle and needs rehabilitation to play again, or a knitter who has carpal tunnel syndrome. Physiatrists' patients include people with arthritis, tendonitis, any kind of back pain, and work- or sports-related injuries.

Physiatrists also treat serious disorders of the musculoskeletal system that result in severe functional limitations. They would treat a baby with a birth defect, someone in a bad car accident, or an elderly person with a broken hip. Physiatrists coordinate the long-term rehabilitation process for patients with spinal cord injuries, cancer, stroke or other neurological disorders, brain injuries, amputations, and multiple sclerosis.

Physiatrists practice in rehabilitation centers, hospitals, and in private offices. They often have broad practices, but some concentrate on one area such as pediatrics, sports medicine, geriatric medicine, brain injury, or many other special interests.

As to the unfortunate coincidence of the last panel's artwork (drawn in April) with the recent grisly tragedy in Iraq, Trudeau shares your chagrin: "Most Sunday sections are prepared five to six weeks in advance, and today's strip was unfortunately overtaken by events. To 'hand someone his head' is a common expression, not normally associated with actual violence. I regret the poor timing, and apologize to anyone who was offended by an image that is now clearly inappropriate."

Those newspapers around the country who print their Sunday sections late were offered a substitute strip.

The strips are about sacrifice, about the kind of shattering loss that completely changes lives. In B.D., I've placed a central character in harm's way, and his charmed life takes a dramatic turn on a road outside Fallujah. In the opening panels, he's in shock, hallucinating, with voices cutting in and out. Medics call this time the golden hour, that small window of opportunity when lives are most easily saved. B.D. is medevaced out, and in the third strip, the point of view is reversed, revealing just how grievous his wound really is. We also see his hair, its presence almost as startling as the absence of his leg.

What I meant to convey is that B.D.'s life has been irrevocably changed, that another chapter has begun. He is now on an arduous journey of recovery and rehabilitation. What I'm hoping to describe are the coping strategies that get people through this. There is no culture of complaint among the wounded -- most feel grateful to be alive and respectful of those who have endured even worse fates. But for many, a kind of black humor is indispensable in fending off bitterness or despair, so that's what will animate the strips that follow.

I have to approach this with humility and care. I'm sure I won't always get it right, and I'm also sure people will let me know when I don't. But it seems worth doing. This month alone, we've sustained nearly 600 wounded-in-action. Whether you think we belong in Iraq or not, we can't tune it out; we have to remain mindful of the terrible losses that individual soldiers are suffering in our name.

Thank you for articulating what I have been feeling concerning all the France-bashing going on in the country lately. There has been so much across-the-board bashing (Democrat, Republican, whatever) that I had begun to doubt the appropriateness of my own outrage. Thanks for the laugh and the lift.
-- S.P. Lee, Ivins, UT

Why don't you move to France and e-mail your strip back to the U.S.? It would lower the pollution rate in our country by at least 1 percent. I am saddened to see people like you take advantage of and abuse our freedom by using their public prominence to verbally "spit on" our Flag and our Leader. I pity you and your ilk.You have only my scorn.
-- Don S., Redding, CA

I believe that, because of today's strip you will join the Dixie Chicks in terms of treatment by America. Yes, your strip will no longer be played on C&W stations! However, all I can say is: Je suis d'accord avec le 5/4/03 Doonesbury completément.
-- Joe Merola, Blacksburg, VA

My name if French also, but I am an American! Where were the French while my brothers and sisters in the American forces were liberating Iraq? Complaining, because their business contracts would be null and void soon. Yes, they helped liberate us from the British over 225 years ago (after our forces took most of the beating). That is once in two millenium. On the other hand, we have gone in to kick out invaders of France twice in one century. All we asked for was support, but had it shoved back in our faces. If you love France so much why don't you just pack up and go live there?
-- Steve S., USN

Thank you! What a great strip. Never have I been so ashamed to be an American as when I encounter "freedom fries" or folks who won't buy French wine. I was in France last year on business on the anniversary of 911 and our French colleagues were wearing black suits with American flag pins on their lapels. I cried my eyes out when the minute of silence was observed. Viva la France!!!
-- Jen Rice, Seattle, WA

After twenty years of being a fan and buying all the Doonesbury crap, this Conquer-Monkey now knows it's okay to be insensitive and rude to people you don't agree with -- so fuck France, and fuck you.
-- T. Englet, Houston, TX

Je ne ferai pas mal à mon copain qui m'a réveillé, je vais l'embrasser tendrement en public pour montrer mon appréciation pour son sens de responsabilité civile. Autant que j'aimerai vous offrir la même chose, je préfère compromettre mes principes d'internaute pour vous écrire ce couriel en but de vous féliciter sur votre commentaire. Vous avez raison, vous avez les couilles d'un Viking. Je suis canadiens, mais j'ai recenti une folle baffle sur mon héritage, ainsi que celui des américains de décendance française, au moment ou la population des É-U sonna la cloche sur les produits qui portent le nom de la France. Bravo, M. Trudeau!
-- Dominic M., Toronto, CANADA

The U.S. is a great country and there's no room for bashers of the great U.S. What the hell is your problem? Do you not support this country? If you don't like it then move back to France.
-- R., Woodinville, WA

Would it be too expensive to put this up with its translation on billboards around the country? It's getting spooky out there -- somebody needs to sound the alarm!
-- M. Marmor, Chicago, IL

As Ann Coulter so accurately explains in her book Slander, the only thing liberals like yourself can do when discussing issues like the war on Iraq or the French sellout to Saddam Hussein is to call people names. That's of course because you are always so completely wrong on the issues and have nothing else to say! Your strip shows how consistent you liberals always are! Name calling! What a great way to discuss the issues.
-- Mark Bedor, Studio City, CA



Today's strip does make a good point about freedom. I always enjoy your strips -- they help leaven my conservatism. Yes, conservatives are open-minded and can and will listen to new ideas. Impossible as it may seem, we can and do think for ourselves. Keep up the good work!
-- R.C., Round Rock, TX


Ou êtes-vous si provincial que vous ne reconnaissez pas l'âne d'un singe dans le miroir? Vive the land of the free and the home of the BRAVE - America!
-- B. Priez, a patriotic Franco-American

As an American progressive who lives in Canada and makes his living translating from French into English, I gotta say I loved your anti-France-bashers strip. In recent weeks you have given me a way to show my U.S.-bashing friends that we're not all jingoistic, self-regarding conquer monkies
-- A.D., Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA


You probably get lots of hate mail, so add this to the pile. While I always despise your absurd strip, this Sunday takes the cake. My grandfather sacrificed for the French there in WWI, my three uncles served in WWII in different areas. Should the French be free? Of course. But free actions have consequences, and the French have showed themselves to be ingrates, morons and dirty dealers. We only owe them so much for our revolution. I am free to despise the French now, and I will boycott their products, and urge my representatives to punish them in any way we can. I am not surprised this absurd, inaccurate comic comes from a Frenchman.
-- John Cotter, Centereach, NY

Your bravery is inspirational in the McCarthyistic times we are going through, where even the slightest criticism of government policy seems to be considered treasonous over there. It's only in monarchies and totalitarian states where the word of the leader is unquestionable law. In democracies you're supposed to criticize the government and expose its flaws. That's the whole damn point of the system! Keep up the good work and don't let the bullies of the world grind you down.
-- John L., Wellington, NEW ZEALAND

Found your May 4 strip to be very funny. Oh, I don't mean funny ha-ha. I mean funny sicko. I will no longer read Doonesbury, and am complaining to my local newspaper about this insufferable exploitation of their goodwill and the insult to myself and all patriotic Americans.
-- Bruce Goehring, TX

I just wanted to say "Bravo!" for last Sunday's cartoon. Il faut dire la verité! Je suis américaine, mais je n'aime pas ce que nous faisons maintenant aux français. Ils étaient toujours nos amis, mais je ne sais pas pourquoi beaucoup d'américains pensent que nos amis ont besoin de faire ce que nous disons! C'est vraiment bizarre! J'ai peur que nous allons perdre tous nos amis à cause de notre orgueil.
Bon journée
-- Margaret Varner, Milledgeville, GA

Congratulations! Looks like you finally found a way to get people to read your work. Now you and your strip will be remembered for being full of hate. You and Saddam seem to have the same way of thinking -- do and say whatever it takes to get in the news and the history books.
-- Frank W., Phoenix, AZ

I adore the x on the end of my name, and the French heritage that goes with it, but lately I have caught grief for it. I've had people tell me that they have to boycott me as part of an anti-France stance and tell me off for France's disagreement with the Bush administration's Iraq policies. Do I agree with this war? No. Am I less than patriotic? NO. Thank you for pointing out how xenophobic a vocal portion of America has become and the utter idiocy of France bashing.
-- Michelle Therese Genevieve Goubeaux

Say clown, where do you get off with "patriotic Franco-American"? You have always been against America. Your slimey-liberal anti-American views are well known. Why not get the hell out of here and practice your crap with the Canadians or the Frogs. And don't give me any of that 'freedom of speech' stuff. You intend to do harm to the American way of life.
-- Sam B., SF, CA

As another Franco-American, your cartoon provided the one moment of glee I have had in recent months. As a woman with a French heritage, I have been hurt and horrified by the extent of the vicious and racist attacks on France -- not even couched as "the government of France" but "the French". As an American, I am embarrassed by this type of behavior, which I thought would never return after the KKK went underground.
-- A.P. Punzavitz, Annapolis, MD

Moments before Mark did. The talk-jock's sexual identity crisis was brought to a head by a late-night conversation with the ghost of Andy Lippincott, who dropped by Mark's studio on August 31, 1993. Several months later Mark outed himself on National Public Radio, an event which left Zonker severely traumatized.

We hope not. GBT takes it as a good sign that neither legal documents nor free sneaks have arrived.

Hmm, interesting story idea. We'll focus-group it. Thanks.

In addition, Bush pardoned Reagan's Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger, indicted on 5 charges.

Moreover, the record of actual convictions doesn't tell the whole story. Over 30 additional Reagan appointees resigned or were fired following charges of legal or ethical misconduct, including Secretary of Interior James Watt, Secretary of Interior Raymond Donovan, CIA Director William Casey and EPA Administrator Anne Burford. Many dozens more were investigated.

Contrast this to:
Number of Clinton officials indicted or convicted in Whitewater, Travel Office, FBI files, Monica Lewinsky, Bruce Babbit, Michael Espy investigations: 0
Asst. Attorney-General Webster Hubbell was convicted of embezzlement, a crime he committed before joining Clinton Administration.

Your attack on Ariel Sharon was a sick attempt at political satire. You are sitting in the dark ages, brooding behind your easel, seeking meaning in a money-lust of hatred and blood.
-- Mark A., Phoenix, AZ

I enjoyed the series on the Middle East, especially the criticism (and similarities) of Sharon and Arafat. They say you laugh at comics not because they are funny but because they are true. This is definitely the case here.
-- Mona Fahmy, Geneva, SWITZERLAND

I do not find any humor in anything that relates to the Middle East melee. There are some things in life that should not be connected to anything humorous, however ironic. You owe me an apology.
-- Beatrice Kass, Santa Barbara, CA

With your backing of terrorists, remember the blood is also on your hands. President Bush said that you're either with or against!
-- Mark Manzoni, Cumberland, RI

For forty years, Israel's persecution of Palestinians has been nothing less than genocide Jewish-style. That life-long terrorist thug, Ariel Sharon, should be taken before the world court for his war crimes. Then hanged.
-- Ed Williams, Austin, TX

Sharon has shown superhuman restraint by not decimating the Palestinians. They deserve that and more.
-- Debra S., New York, NY

Your characterization of Sharon as an intellectually corrupt militaristic blowhard is an intrusion into complexities you're not conspicuously qualified to handle, even at the superficially sunny level of satirical heckling you're largely confined to.
-- Harold Skulsky, Northampton, MA

The jokes about Ariel Sharon are great! I want more please. You know politics more than politicians. Thanks.
-- Dr. Mike Fenberg, CANADA

You have proven yourself to be a raving anti-Israel asshole. It would be dangerous if you really knew a fact about the situation. We will let the world know so you are marked as an immoral person (or group of persons - if you work at this website you are guilty by association).
-- David Menaged, New York, NY

Keeping this type of Palestinian-favored anti-Israel type of "entertainment" will lead to your destruction. Beware!
-- Jason S., Portland, OR

At a time when the world seems to be a very scary place to live in, your humor is a very welcome relief. Thanks for being as witty as you are.
-- Jerry Schwartz, Calgary, Alberta CANADA

One day you will realize that making a balanced argument does not mean that one exists. Injustice was served in the universe by your strip.
-- Rik Heller, Dallas, TX

Do you enjoy doing what you do, Garry? I dearly hope so. I'll see you in HELL, and that's a promise, cause there is no way you or your "fans" are gonna be able to avoid that particular fate.
-- Nate Green

Thank you so much for the 11-18 strip. Truth is the first casualty of war. I thought it was already in a body bag.
-- T. Holl, Erie, PA

The 11-18 strip is beyond humor, bordering on slander and, I dare say, treason.
-- Robert Hill, Fort Walton Beach, FL

You have given voice to what many in the media have been too cowed to say. You may now be on Rush and Drudge's hit list, but rest assured you'll be a hero to the majority.
-- Erika A. Herd, Piedmont, SD

Thousands of men and women have died to secure your right to be an idiot. I just wish that you occasionally would choose not to exercise that right.
-- Matthew J. Burkhart

It's refreshing to know that someone isn't afraid of critiquing popular media and trying to halt the mob mentality that seems to be brewing from coast to coast.
-- Margie James

Keep spreading your hate and someday you will realize that no one will read your crap -- I never did.
-- Janis Sheen

Democracy depends on a loyal opposition. I hope you will continue to not be intimated.
-- Jane Smith, Kokomo, IN

Garry, the blood of the Sept. 11 victims is on your hands.
-- C. Andreas

I think the 11-11 strip was brave. As an American living abroad, from my point of view I think you're more American than ever. Keep up the good work!
-- Eduardo Ferrero, San Cristobal, Venezuela

You're about as un-American as it gets. Your ink is based from sewer water.
-- George Brock, St. Augustine, FLA

Thank you for hanging on to democracy and evaluating daily events independently.
-- Norine Kukish, Manchester

You are lucky to be living in a country where you can espouse your rhetorical mind-numbing crapola.
-- Greg Wiles

Doonesbury should be placed on the front page of every newspaper in the nation. You alone are not "scared" by the Bush people who threaten those who speak the truth.
-- Laura Lelievre

If you weren't such a smug, arrogant jackass you might actually understand how repugnant your views really are.
-- David Wilson, Portage, MN

Hey, I liked the 11-18 strip. Seems to me that the way things are going, a little criticism is needed.
-- Corey Manley, San Luis Obispo, CA

What junior college did you drop out of?
-- David Sustaita, New York, NY

I think the past few weeks have been some of the best work you've ever done. Sure there are people who say "Love it or leave it", but I'm on the side of those who love it and strive for improvement. Like you.
-- Donna Barnes, Riverside, CA

You're the old guard and you bore me. Wake up, get a life. Open your mind. Be free. Our nation is done being a girly-girl. Now we are men with balls. Even the women.
-- Virginia Leinart, WA

Garry, a toast to you. May you not end up in a reprogramming camp.
-- Gary Boyd, Kent, WA

When I see the strip, I laugh as I think of the pitiful morons who would enjoy such stupidity.
-- Jeff Adkins, Carbondale, IL

The truly funny thing is, nothing is more unAmerican than being American. Keep up the good work!
-- Raven Drumgod, Seattle, WA

You suck more than anything has ever sucked before.
-- Steve Jordan, Scottsale, AZ