Honey

Honey Huan

A graduate of Peking University (Class of l974), Honey Huan has had a notable if largely inexplicable career. Her service as translator to U.S. Ambassador to China Duke inspired her to attend Georgetown University in Washington, DC, where she studied with Henry Kissinger. Her association with Duke resumed when they co-founded a small business working the waters off the Florida coast. Subsequently she helped him found the Baby Doc College of Physicians, serving as dean, and later president.

After working for the Dr. Whoopee condom company, and pursuing some personal business with the Gambino family, she became Social Director aboard Donald Trump's yacht, The Trump Princess. Returning to Peking for a college reunion led to her inadvertent involvement in the Tiananmen Square uprising: She sought refuge in the U.S. Embassy after being named one of China's 25 most-wanted hooligans. Secreted out of the country by husband-of-convenience Duke, she went on to serve as his sub-Maximum Pro-Consul in post-invasion Panama. Although no longer married, they also worked together to develop Club Scud, a social hub in Kuwait City during and after the Gulf War, and, after peace was restored, went on to found the Nothing But Orphans Home for Foundlings.

She and Duke played a critical role in organizing inaugural festivities for Jesse "Mind over Body" Ventura. And it was Ms. Huan's counsel which led to Duke's fascinating and futile 2000 run for the White House. Most Honey-watchers agree that Ms. Huan is the only person standing between Duke and permanent incarceration, having devoted her considerable talents to the thankless task of protecting her imagined paramour from himself. This role was never more important than during the former Ambassador’s harrowing stint as Mayor of the city of al-Amok in Iraq. Nor more tested than during her courtship there by a green-card-besotted suitor named Nebuchadnezzar (aka “Nebby”) whose treatment of Ms. Huan was, improbably, worse than Duke’s.

After fleeing the war-torn country to seek more gainful -- and survivable – employment as part of the Hurricane Katrina rebuilding effort, the duo ultimately reached an impasse in their ever-strained relationship. Liberating herself from permanent sidekick status, Honey left Duke and had a New Orleans epiphany while serving as a float captain for FEMA at Mardi Gras. She has never looked back. During the summer of 2009 Ms. Huan served in China as a member of the Olympic Committee, and a fortuitous twist of fate allowed her and Duke to rejoin forces briefly to put together a team for Berzerkistan.

Most recently, Honey appeared in Washington as part of an official PRC delegation to thank Mitt Romney for creating jobs in China while working at Bain Capital.